We could use the energy of the sun, the moon and other nearby bodies. It sounds like science fiction, but it’s something that could make life possible.”
The first time I ever got married was in 1996 when I was 19. At the time, I had just returned to college after finishing two years of military service. My older brother was the closest friend I would ever have. He gave me the keys to his house, bought me a car, and took me shopping for my first suit. We talked a lot about how much the things we got for Christmas meant to us, how they made us feel and I was really happy. He was also kind to some other guys around our school, who he’d heard were too dumb to get married, but at that moment nobody knew what I was talking about.
“You just want that one nice guy,” he’d say in a way that was so condescending and wrong then I thought I would die. But now I know. At the time, I thought, “Why would anyone want a married man?”
My father died the same year and I went off to college. I spent the next ten years working two jobs and I loved what was happening but I couldn’t see myself doing it all my life. My dad, at his own insistence, helped me make a commitment to myself that I never wanted to break. But the relationship was never happy. I was never happy with myself, I always had to look to someone else for me to be happy.
So it was a little weird at first when my brother invited me out to dinner one night. In that moment, I thought it was a wonderful thing that my dad was doing all this for me, and that my sister deserved no less. It was a beautiful evening and he wanted me and I wanted him for this dinner. There was no way that I would ever say no, but then I remembered how I felt about my dad and the feeling in me began to change. I realized that if I was never to have any kind of relationship with a man I loved, then I would have to find a whole new way to be the person I wanted to be.
One night as he was eating, he said, “Son, you don’t know how lucky you are. You don’t have a dad right now, that’s all going to change. And after you see who the next guy is, you’re finally going to be happy with someone who is completely your own and who has nothing to